Nowadays I find there are more days I am either stuck in a rut or passively moving through time than feeling inspired. I suppose it is a bit idealistic for me to think that every day I am going to wake up fist pumping or come sweeping in to my house looking like Carrie Bradshaw and exclaiming that “I love my life!!”
I eye roll at those people all the while wondering if they have found the secret to the “what does life mean” pool or if they’ve all of a sudden mixed shrooms with some kind of new market upper.
I have found lazy days are always there and they will always come find me if I allow it to. Probably because I can be found in plain sight on my couch eating Ferro Rochers by the pack. Motivation however will never be found, even if I’m rushing around trying to look for it. It has to be created. I don’t want to mistake busyness for productiveness or happiness.
I want to be excited and live a life I love and that I am proud of. I want to be the person I roll my eyes at. I’ll make sure to keep it real for my homies on my block though. Just like J.Lo.
I will create my life, my motivation, my passion.
Sometimes I feel like I’m pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that don’t quite fit together. I’m a very conversational person but I love being alone, I can be a social butterfly but I don’t like being part of cliques, I love going out but I love nights in, I know what I want and I’m so indecisive at the same time. I think I’m a very smart person but I don’t trust myself all the time.
I think that has what made my life so frustrating for the past few years. I can’t seem to decide what I want. That’s different from what I like because I’m a pretty open person and I have a lot of different interests but I can’t decide what I want for my life. I need to make decisions. I’m afraid my indecisiveness and my fear to commit will hinder my progress and hurt my future.
Why can’t I just know what I want?? I admire people (albeit I might disagree) who make decisions and stand by them. At least they stood firm while I’m constantly jumping.
I am revamping my blog (for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time?). This time it is just me. Just me and my musings. My inspirations, my thoughts, myself.
Sometimes when the sound of the city is too loud and my thoughts can drown out amongst the noise of subway cars, street musicians, crowded bars and busy streets I want to give myself a place to express myself or just let whatever has soaked in to my skin throughout the day flow right out.
late night back bends